Here is a list of my twenty seven favourite quotes by Jack Freestone (me).
Please note that I used to write under the name Robert Black, so many of these quotes and some of my old books will flag up on Google under the name Robert Black.
But I assure you they are all original, and mine!
“Writers begin with a grain of sand, and then create a beach.”
“Every time I think I am out of the woods, I am back in the fire.”
“Every second in the air in Paris is art.”
“It’s relatively easy to act nice and normal in front of a crowd, or in public. The tricky part is doing it in private.”
“Life must be terrible for working people, considering they spend every Friday night celebrating a two day break from it.”
“Most of my girlfriends are sent by the Devil and seem genuinely bemused when I do not succumb to their powers.”
“One night stands are like chess, only the loser desires a rematch.”
“The best time to do anything, get drunk, surf, run, take a walk, gamble, make love, get high, watch a movie, read a book, is on a Monday, when everyone else is at work, as their depression will heighten your celebration, of not being them.”
“Find someone you care enough about to help you control your drinking. Preferably yourself.”
“Political correctness waters down the arts. It's like getting a beer, when you need a scotch.”
“When considering female human beings, we should ask ourselves what kind of organisms become overjoyed when presented with decapitated plants as gifts? I suppose we should consider ourselves fortunate they do not become overjoyed when presented with decapitated animals as gifts.”
“It’s a shame that sex is not all about pretty girls, flowers, and white lingerie. When it comes down to it, it’s more like a sweaty visit to the abattoir, followed by a salty fish market.”
“Hollywood is a collection of people without souls, pretending to be people with souls.”
“The best thing about women is they keep making new ones.”
“When all the world is a stage, the best liars will rise to the top.”
“People are like icebergs, you only see ten percent of them.”
“If a plant is wild, living in a forest, it is not reliant on you at all. Dig that plant up, and resettle it in your garden, then it is slightly reliant on you. But if you put that plant in a pot, and bring it into your house, then it is totally reliant on you. It can no longer be called wild, and no longer survive, or breed, without your help. And that is what your leaders are constantly trying to do to you.”
“We choose our parents; they do not choose us.”
“All a man really wants, is a girl who looks good in a bikini.”
“Life is a downpayment on a mirage.”
“Marriage is when women finally get what they want, and men wave the white flag, unaware of the firing squad that awaits them.”
“Like many things, politics only exists in the minds of the citizens.”
“We are all seeking the unobtainable. Until we find it, we settle for life.”
“If we are all streams of consciousness, then apart from genetic similarities, and conditioning, we are all strangers to our siblings.”
“Women are like bars of soap. After a while they lose their freshness, become worn and a bit hairy.”
“The way I see meditation is this, you can take your car through a carwash, but on the inside, it remains messy, and dirty. Most religions are carwashes. They will tell you the car looks great, because they cannot see the inside. But it is better to clean the inside first, and then later, you can drive it through a rainstorm.”
“The problem with working, I mean not self-employed, is that you have to get up and routinely do something that you do not want to do, plus you get talked down to, ordered around by twats you know you are better than. In reality, you are no better than a slave, no better than a hamster running on a wheel. You could say the hamster likes to run on the wheel, the hamster runs on the wheel by choice. But do not forget the hamster is always in a cage, and will never be anything else but a hamster running on a wheel inside a cage, unless it escapes the cage.”
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